If Every Town in Lewis County Had a Theme Song

Life | April 26, 2026

Lewis County is not just a county. It is a collection of towns separated by rivers, logging roads, and old grudges. Every town has its own personality, its own reputation, and its own very specific reason for believing it is not the problem.

So if every town in Lewis County had a theme song, the playlist might sound something like this.

1. Centralia would probably be stuck with “Boulevard of Broken Dreams,” because downtown Centralia is beautiful, historic, full of potential, and somehow always one more “revitalization plan” away from becoming the next big thing. It is the kind of place where you can find antiques, coffee, murals, and at least three people explaining how good it used to be.

2. Chehalis would get “Rich Girl.” Chehalis would never admit it thinks it is better than the rest of the county, but it does keep dressing like it has a country club membership and a strong opinion about roundabouts. This is the song for a town that puts on a vest, attends a chamber breakfast, and calls it economic development.

3. Napavine’s song would be “Highway to Hell,” not because Napavine is bad, but because trying to get through it without hitting traffic, a school zone, or a surprise train blocking the intersection feels like a spiritual trial. Somehow it is both a small town and a freeway merge lane with houses.

4. Winlock would naturally get “The Chicken Dance.” No explanation is needed, but one will be provided anyway: when your entire civic identity is built around a giant egg, you do not get to act surprised when the poultry music starts.

5. Toledo would get “Small Town Throwdown,” because Toledo has the confidence of a town that knows exactly where it is and also knows nobody else can explain how to get there without saying, “keep going past the fields.” It is rural pride with a parade permit.

6. Mossyrock’s theme song would be “Redneck Yacht Club,” because Mossyrock is what happens when lake season, lifted trucks, and “I know a guy with property out there” become a municipal identity. Its theme song would be played from a boat speaker at a volume that suggests everyone else on the lake also signed up for the concert.

7. Morton would claim “I Will Survive,” and honestly, it has earned it. Morton has the energy of a town that has been through everything and now just wants people to stop asking why it is so far away. It is not remote. You are just weak.

8. Packwood would get “Take the Money and Run.” Packwood used to be a mountain town. Now it is a scenic real estate brochure with elk, vacation rentals, and someone from Seattle asking if the cabin has “authentic rural character.” The locals are still there, but they have started blinking in Airbnb cleaning fees.

9. Pe Ell would be represented by “The Long and Winding Road,” because Pe Ell is not so much a destination as it is a commitment. By the time you get there, you have already questioned your route, your gas tank, and at least one major life decision.

10. Adna would get “Friends in Low Places.” Adna feels like the kind of place where everybody knows everybody, which is charming until you realize everybody also knows what your cousin did in 2009. The song fits because the town runs on community, school pride, and gossip with agricultural zoning.

11. Onalaska’s theme song would be “If You’re Gonna Be Dumb, You Gotta Be Tough.” Onalaska is not impressed by your city problems, your Wi-Fi complaints, or your vehicle that cannot pull a trailer. This is the theme song for a town where “that should hold” is considered engineering.

12. Vader would get “Imperial March,” because it is Vader, and frankly the town has been living off that joke for decades. The theme would play every time someone drives through and says, “Wait, like Darth Vader?” as if they are the first person to discover comedy.

13. Randle would receive “Dueling Banjos.” Randle is beautiful, rugged, and just far enough out that people start locking their doors emotionally before they arrive. It is the kind of town where directions include, “past the last place your phone had service.”

14. Mineral gets “Smoke on the Water” for obvious reasons: lake, fog, mystery, and the general feeling that Bigfoot could walk across the road at any moment and nobody would even act surprised. The guitar riff would echo over the water while someone in a flannel jacket says, “I’m telling you, that wasn’t a bear.”

And for the entire county, the only acceptable theme song is “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” Lewis County’s official theme song would be loud, stubborn, and impossible to get approved by any committee. It would play during county meetings, school board debates, election season, Facebook arguments, and every time someone from Olympia announces a new rule nobody here asked for.

Because if Lewis County had a soundtrack, it would not be smooth jazz. It would be classic rock, outlaw country, and one blown truck speaker trying its best.

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