Centralia Pride Event Followed Closely By Disinfectant Event
CENTRALIA, WA — Saturday’s Pride celebration at George Washington Park went off with glittery flair, colorful flags, and at least three men proudly wearing mesh crop tops that made onlookers question both fashion and physics. But just hours later, city workers in hazmat suits arrived on the scene with pressure washers, bleach tanks, and holy water — not necessarily in that order.
“We had to respond quickly,” said local Disinfectant Event Coordinator Dale Scrubbinson. “Reports were coming in that there had been public displays of affection, dancing without a permit, and at least one spontaneous group hug. We can't have that kind of... community.”
According to the city, the Disinfectant Event is a “routine post-public-event purification ritual,” but oddly enough, it only seems to follow Pride and the occasional poetry slam. A city spokesperson clarified: “We’re not targeting anyone. We just believe that after any festival with that many feather boas and bubble machines, it’s standard procedure to de-gay the grass for safety.”
One attendee, still wearing glitter from head to toe, attempted to join the cleaning crew. “I thought it was another part of the event,” he said. “Like, rinse and repeat pride next year.”
By Sunday morning, the park had been returned to its natural beige. The city confirmed it will be conducting a follow-up inspection for leftover pronouns.
—Harry Snutts
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