He-Man Goes PC for Masters of The Universe Reboot
ETERNIA — In a bold move expected to lose millions of dollars while impressing twelve people on social media, Hollywood announced that He-Man will now go by He/They/Them-Man in the upcoming reboot of Masters of the Universe.
Studio executives said the change was necessary to modernize the franchise for today’s audiences, most of whom reportedly have no plans to watch the movie. “The original He-Man was outdated because he was strong, heroic, and easy to understand,” said one producer. “We wanted to fix that.”
The reboot will also feature several other updates, including Battle Cat being renamed Emotional Support Cat, Skeletor attending a restorative justice circle, and Castle Grayskull being changed to Castle Graysafe after focus groups found skulls too problematic.
At publishing time, early box office projections showed the film making $37 domestically before being called “a brave and important success” by everyone involved
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