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Transportation | May 15, 2026

Chehalis Drivers Thrilled After I-5 Construction Zone Adds Surprise Whoop Section To Morning Commute

CHEHALIS, WA — Chehalis drivers discover the I-5 construction zone has added an unexpected motocross-style whoop section to their morning commute.

Budget | May 2, 2026

New Lewis County Budget Analyst Says “You Should’ve Checked Trivago”

CHEHALIS, WS — Lewis County’s new budget analyst brings a Trivago-inspired approach to local spending, urging officials to compare prices before buying anything ever again.

Music | May 1, 2026

After 25 Years, Local Rocker Tells Girlfriend “The Band’s Gonna Make It”

CHEHALIS, WA — Middle-aged local rocker insists his band is finally about to make it after 25 years, despite living with his parents and playing mostly empty local gigs.

Local | 2026/03/06

Lewis County Commissioners Hold Secret Late-Night Meeting In Van To Discuss Budget Crisis, Accidentally Solve It

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — In an effort to find new ways to shore up the county’s struggling budget, Lewis County commissioners reportedly held a highly confidential strategy meeting late Monday night inside a vintage Volkswagen van parked under a streetlight at an undisclosed location.

Local History | 2025/11/11

On Veterans Day, Centralia Remembers The Parade That Turned Into A Gunfight

CENTRALIA, WA — Every year on November 11, small towns across America line their streets with flags, put on uniforms that don’t quite fit like they used to, and remember the end of World War I.

General | May 3, 2026

Local Man’s Confidence Shattered After ‘Peel Here’ Wrapper Refuses to Do So

GLENOMA, WA — A local man’s confidence is shattered after a cheese stick wrapper clearly labeled “Peel Here” refuses to open, forcing him to hand it to his wife in defeat.

Chicken | May 9, 2026

Port of Centralia Commissioners Stun Community by Agreeing on Chicken

CENTRALIA, WA — Port of Centralia commissioners reach a rare moment of agreement by approving Chick-fil-A designs, giving locals hope that chicken sandwiches may finally unite government.

Local | May 13, 2026

Commissioner Sean Swope Channels Zacchaeus After Sacrificing Raise He Hasn’t Received Yet

LEWIS COUNTY, WA WA —Commissioner Sean Swope channels Zacchaeus by heroically sacrificing a future raise he hasn’t received yet, saving Lewis County almost enough money to notice

Local | May 14, 2026

Drivers Remain Stuck At 4-Way Stop After Everyone Insists Everyone Else Go First

CENTRALIA, WA — A local 4-way stop spirals into gridlock after overly polite drivers keep waving each other through, trapping traffic in a never-ending courtesy standoff.

History | May 18, 2026

The Day Mount St. Helens Blew Its Top

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — On May 18, 1980, Mount St. Helens erupted, reshaping Washington history, impacting Lewis County, and reminding the Pacific Northwest of nature’s power.

Potholes | March 20, 2026

GoFundMe launched for Napavine potholes after residents realize tax dollars may not be enough

Napavine residents jokingly launch a GoFundMe to fix potholes near City Hall, Washington Street, Rush Road, and Exit 72 after deciding tax dollars might not get there first

NOT SATIRE | April 12, 2026

Zac Eckstein Opposes Picking Fights, Except Apparently on Facebook

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — Zac Eckstein says leaders should not pick fights. This article revisits a Lewis County Democrats Facebook post that did exactly that.

General | March 8, 2026

Local Family Deported To California After Repeatedly Saying “Warsh-Ing-Ton

Authorities say the relocation was necessary to contain a developing consonant situation

Food | April 26, 2026

Local Toilet Paper Sales Skyrocket Just Days After Chipotle’s Grand Opening In Centralia

CENTRALIA — Centralia’s new Chipotle opening sparks a humorous local surge in toilet paper sales as residents discover the consequences of extra beans and hot salsa.

General | April 11, 2026

New Commissioner Shocked To Learn Experienced Officials Don’t Immediately Set Fire To Legal Strategy In First 90 Days

CENTRALIA, Wash. — Port of Centralia Commissioner Ally Pickard reportedly expressed frustration this week after veteran commissioners Peter Lahmann and Kyle Markstrom declined to abandon an ongoing legal strategy simply because the newest person in the room had a fresh feeling about it.

Hobby | April 26, 2026

Dad Surprised To Learn All His Clothes Are Shrinking After Picking Up New Homebrew Hobby

CHEHALIS, WA — A local dad who recently got into homebrewing has reportedly assured his family that the sudden shrinking of every shirt, pair of jeans, hoodie, and jacket in the house has absolutely nothing to do with the five-gallon batches of beer now fermenting in the garage.

Self EMPLOYMENT | April 15, 2026

High Tobacco Taxes Force Local Man To Quit Job, Enter Underground Tobacco Trade

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — A local man reportedly quits his job to join Washington’s underground tobacco trade after state taxes make cigarettes and dip feel like luxury items.

Life | April 24, 2026

Local Man’s Life Basically Just Joe Dirt But With Less Success

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — A Lewis County man’s life closely mirrors Joe Dirt, just without the luck, charm, or happy ending, as his string of near-misses continues.

Life | April 26, 2026

If Every Town in Lewis County Had a Theme Song

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — A Lewis County playlist imagines what theme song each town would choose, from Centralia to Mineral, with plenty of small-town jabs along the way.

Life | April 18, 2026

Door-To-Door Window Salesman Refuses To Leave Until Local Man Buys 14 Windows

NAPAVINE, WA — A local man answers the door and accidentally buys 14 windows after a persistent salesman refuses to leave without a signature.

Local Government | April 29, 2026

Olympia Tiny Home Village Shockingly Requires More Taxpayer Money To Continue Looking Like Place Everyone Pretends Is Working

Olympia, WA — Olympia’s Quince Street Village gets another taxpayer-funded lifeline as officials scramble to keep the costly tiny home project operating.

TRUMP | April 1, 2026

Trump Sends Artemis Crew To Moon To Replace “Man In The Moon” With Himself

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump reportedly ordered NASA’s Artemis astronauts to the moon this week with one clear directive: remove the “man in the moon” and replace it with his own face, officially renaming the lunar surface feature “Trump On The Moon.”

Local | March 8, 2026

Commissioners Discover Marijuana Is Morally Acceptable Once Budget Is in Shambles

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — After years of warning that marijuana sales in rural areas would destroy the county’s values, Lewis County commissioners have reportedly discovered that those values become much less fragile when there is a budget deficit to fill.

Local | 2025/04/19

City of Napavine to add 16 more fuel stations to Exit 72, because why not?

NAPAVINE,WA - In a stunning turn of events this week, Napavine agreed to add 16 more fuel stations just off Interstate 5 at Exit 72. When asked why, we were told, why not...

Life | April 29, 2026

Local Father Has Best Day Of His Life After Son Asks If They Own A Pencil Sharpener

ADNA, WA — A boy asks his dad for a pencil sharpener and quickly learns that Dad’s pocketknife is apparently “close enough,” leaving him with a handful of pencils that look like they were sharpened by a beaver.

Science | 2025/04/18

Scientists Stunned as Jesus’ Tomb Found Empty—2,000 Years Later, Still No Bones

JERUSALEM - In a stunning display of academic head-scratching, a team of world-renowned archaeologists and scientists announced today they are 'completely dumbfounded' by the discovery of an ancient tomb labeled 'Jesus' that contains—brace yourself—absolutely nothing.

Local | 2025/11/16

Lewis County Democrats Delete Post After Backlash Over Attack on Winlock Mayor’s Family

LEWIS COUNTY—In a now-deleted Facebook post, the Lewis County Democrats targeted a family member of Winlock’s newly elected mayor after she shared a simple update about an upcoming Turning Point USA meeting for local teens.

General | March 31, 2026

Lewis County Democrats Chairman Promises Weekly “No Kings” Marches, Public LARPing, And County Quidditch League If Elected

CHEHALIS, WA — Local Lewis County Democratic Party chairman Zach Eckstein announced this week that if elected county commissioner, he plans to bring weekly “No Kings” marches, regular public LARPing events, and a county-sponsored Quidditch league to Lewis County, giving voters the bold reassurance that local government can, in fact, become even more embarrassing

Local | 2025/10/17

Napavine Fire Board Upholds Proud Tradition, Fires Yet Another Chief ‘Without Cause’

NAPAVINE, WA—Another month, another chief. Napavine Fire Board keeps its perfect record alive.

Politics | April 13, 2026

Lewis County Needs a Commissioner, Not a Cause-Driven Activist

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — Is Kyle Wheeler running to govern Lewis County, or just looking for a bigger stage for activism? Voters have reason to ask before handing over a commissioner seat

Golf | April 15, 2026

After First Round At Riverside, Dad Explains To Son How A 120 Score Basically Makes Him Pro

CHEHALIS, WA — Local dad shoots a 120 at Riverside Golf Course in Chehalis and immediately explains to his son why that basically makes him a pro.

Local | 2025/10/19

Group of Delusional Old People Escape Old-Folks Home, Found in Centralia, Confused

CENTRALIA, WA — In a scene that baffled police, amused locals, and at least one park squirrel, a group of elderly residents escaped their assisted-living facility and were later found milling about George Washington Park during the “NO KINGs” rally.

Politics, Community | April 24, 2026

City Officials ‘Monitoring Situation’ Expected to Continue Monitoring Situation

CENTRALIA, WA — City officials assure residents they are closely monitoring a developing situation and expect to continue monitoring it until further monitoring is required.

Easter | April 1, 2026

City Of Centralia Easter Celebration To Include Hiding Eggs In Potholes

CENTRALIA, WA — In what officials described as “a fun way to make the best of things,” the City of Centralia is reportedly considering an Easter event this year that would include hiding plastic eggs in potholes around town

Justice | April 24, 2026

JUSTICE: Modern, Less Boring Lady Justice Added to Lewis County Courthouse Foyer

CHEHALIS, WA — Lewis County unveils a modernized Lady Justice statue featuring a VR headset, digital scale, and a bold new look—leaving residents both impressed and slightly confused.

Local | 2025/10/25

Double Rainbow Stuns Lewis County, Locals Report Leprechaun Sprinting Toward Fuller’s Market

CHEHALIS, WA — A rare double rainbow lit up the skies across western Lewis County yesterday

Sports | 2025/10/19

Lewis County HS Football Roundup — Issue #7

LEWIS COUNTY, WA—Centralia looks to play eight-man, Onalaska keeps feeding the wood chipper, Winlock keeps being Winlock, and Pe Ell-Willapa Valley unleash the Kraken.

Local | 2025/04/03

Teen Criminal Masterminds Confounded That Beating a Man, Stealing Car, Brandishing Gun Leads to Standoff With SWAT

CHEHALIS, WA — In what will surely go down as one of the most brilliant criminal schemes of the decade, two teenage boys with a stolen car, armed with a stolen gun, found themselves utterly baffled when their actions led to an hours-long standoff with law enforcement.

Local | 2025/09/28

State Unveils 'Healthy Youth Survey,' Politely Asks Children For Everything Short Of Their Social Security Number

OLYMPIA, WA — In a bold new privacy initiative, Washington officials announced the “Healthy Youth Survey,” a cheerful, school-day questionnaire that totally isn’t about harvesting private family intel

Local | 2025/04/12

Pe Ell Man Accused of Maintaining Eye Contact While Eating Banana -- Now Deeply Regrets Decision

PE ELL, WA - What started as a harmless afternoon snack has turned into a small-town scandal after local resident Gary -Banana Eyes- Thompson made the unsettling choice to maintain full, unbroken eye contact while eating a banana at the Pe Ell gas station.

Local | 2025/07/27

Father Teaches Son Valuable Life Lesson By Getting Stuck In A Hole He Told Him Not To Go Into

APE CAVES, WA—In what many are calling a masterclass in “do as I say, not as I do,” local father Greg Thompson provided his son, Timmy, with a life lesson he’s not likely to forget.

Local | 2025/06/23

Chehalis Tribe Acquires Uncle Sam Billboard, Immediately Roasts Dances with Wolves

NAPAVINE, WA — In what local historians are calling the boldest plot twist since Kevin Costner grew a mullet.

Local | 2025/08/29

Family’s End-Of-Summer Trip To Walupt Lake Turns Out To Be A Full-Blown College Party Hangout

WALUPT LAKE, WA — Hoping for birdsong and the gentle slap of water on the shore, a local family arrived at Walupt Lake this weekend and instead discovered a pop-up university offering courses in Portable Subwoofer Studies, Shouting Across Water 101, and Intermediate “Woooo!”.

Local | 2025/09/02

Police Chief Heroically Saves Morton From Dangerous Hour Of Extra Beer

MORTON, WA — Citizens of Morton erupted at a recent city council meeting after Police Chief Cole Cournyer bravely shut down every bar in town an hour and a half early during the Morton Loggers Jubilee, thereby protecting residents from the horrors of one more Coors Light.

Sports | 2025/09/28

Lewis County High School Football Roundup Issue #4

Onalaska continues to 'chop down' the competition, PWV steps down to 8-man football for a game, and Napavine suffer major blow and 3rd straight loss. Meanwhile, Wyatt Hoffman of WF West amasses 456 total yards against Shelton!

State | 2025/09/28

Bob 'Turd' Ferguson And Jimmy Kimmel Celebrate His Return To TV While Sharing Electric Horse Ride

OLYMPIA, WA—The political world was rocked this week by the deeply personal, and frankly unsettling, emotional distress of Washington State Attorney General Bob "Turd" Ferguson following Jimmy Kimmel’s brief suspension from late-night television.

Local | 2025/08/21

Lewis County Commissioners Give Themselves Another Raise, Remind Employees There’s No Money Left

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — County commissioners have approved yet another salary increase, while reminding public works employees making less than half that to 'be grateful for the exposure.'

Sports | 2025/09/21

Lewis County High School Football Roundup Issue #3

Week 3 is over and apparently so was the Cardinals run game. While WF West keeps winning, Napavine is struggling to get things going. Here's the rundown.

Local | 2025/05/26

Panhandlers Form Union, Claim Territorial Rights to I-5 Ramp Meters

LEWIS COUNTY, WA -With the introduction of ramp meters on I-5 in Lewis County, panhandlers across the region are rejoicing at what they call a 'once-in-a-generation business expansion.'

Local | 2025/09/08

Lewis County Leaders Hold Emergency Meeting To Brainstorm Bold New Ways To Spend Money They Don’t Have

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — County officials convened an emergency “innovation summit” Friday to develop fresh strategies for overspending and mishandling taxpayer funds, sources confirmed.

Local | 2025/07/20

Centralia Pride Event Followed Closely By Disinfectant Event

CENTRALIA, WA — City Brings Out Hazmat Team Just in Case the Rainbow Was Contagious

Local | 2025/09/13

Lewis County Democrats dump Jesus, turn to Flying Spaghetti Monster

LEWIS COUNTY — In a not very surprising move, the Lewis County Democrats have completely turned away from Jesus to worship the deity of Pastafarianism, The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Local | 2025/06/22

No Kings Protesters Take to the Streets of Centralia, WA to Remind Citizens That Trump Is Our President

CENTRALIA, WA — In what was intended to be a protest against patriarchy and authoritarianism, the 'No Kings' movement accidentally hosted the most pro-Trump rally Lewis County has seen since the last yard sale at the fairgrounds.

Review | 2025/07/20

10 Movies Most Fitting for the People of Lewis County

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — You can keep your Marvel flicks. Out here, we prefer our movies with a little more mud, mystery, and misplaced priorities. Here's a list of real movies that hit a little too close to home for the fine folks of Lewis County.

Local | 2025/08/15

WSDOT Unveils Bold Plan To Widen I-5 To 15 Lanes Everywhere Except Lewis County; ‘That’s What The Ramp Meters Are For,’ Officials Say

CHEHALIS, WA — Promising to end congestion in places that aren’t Lewis County, WSDOT announced an exciting new plan to expand I-5 to a glorious 15 lanes north and south—while preserving Lewis County’s quaint, artisanal two-lane experience through Napavine, Chehalis, and Centralia.

Local | 2025/04/07

Mass Hysteria Erupts in Centralia as WinCo Foods Opens 24/7 as Walmart Scrambles to Hold the Line

CENTRALIA, WA — The grand opening of WinCo Foods has sent shockwaves through Centralia, as thousands (maybe hundreds) of determined shoppers stormed the aisles in search of 24/7 access to bulk snacks. Eyewitnesses reported scenes of cart-jousting and frantic potato-grabbing as locals declared freedom from their former Walmart allegiance.

Local | 2025/03/17

Local heroes save the day after woman with horrible eye sight reports a cat stuck in tree

CHEHALIS, WA – A normal day turns into anything but, for a local Chehalis woman, as she spots a stranded cat atop a tree and summons local heroes to rescue it

Local | 2025/04/19

Napavine Residents Warned to “Brace for Chaos” as Road Striping Season Looms Like a Hungover Picasso

NAPAVINE, WA — City officials have issued a formal warning to residents: “Brace for chaos.” The announcement comes ahead of the annual road striping season, which in Napavine is less a maintenance project and more a community-wide endurance test.

Local | 2025/04/27

5 signs of a Lewis County Soccer Mom in 2025

Lewis County, WA – The - Soccer Mom - evolution has made quite the transformation since the 1980's. From affordable Mini Vans to untouchable Mega SUV's -- Here we've compiled a short list of how to identify a soccer mom in 2025.

Local | 2025/05/17

ADNA: Locals Furious That County is fixing what they complained about them not fixing.

BUNKER CREEK RD,ADNA, WA – To the Adna locals, Complaining about 'inaction', is easier than living through the 'action'. Adnoids are seeing their tax dollars in action and they're not happy about it.

Local | 2025/07/20

Napavine’s Pothole Becomes Historical Landmark and Space-Sized Icon

NAPAVINE, WA — In an unprecedented turn of events, Napavine’s legendary pothole on Rush Road has been declared both a Protected Historical Landmark and now officially large enough to be seen from space.

Local | 2025/04/12

Local hero returns purse found in Home Depot parking lot, rewarded with honorary birdhouse builders kit.

CHEHALIS, WA - In a heartwarming twist that momentarily restored faith in humanity, a local good Samaritan discovered an abandoned purse at Home Depot and chose the path less traveled -- turning it in. Witnesses say the individual resisted the temptation of unspent gift cards and expired gum, instead marching the lost bag straight to customer service.

Politics | 2025/03/22

Bob Ferguson claims he's unaware of the vandalized Tesla Charging Station in Centralia.

CENTRALIA, WA - Governor Bob The Turd Ferguson confused as to why anyone would think that state Democrats had anything to do with the vandalism of Centralia's Tesla charging station.

Local | 2025/04/06

Cape-Wearing Commissioner Sean Swope Rides Natural Gas Tank Into Battle Against Statewide Ban

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — In a historic display of heroism that historians are already comparing to Paul Revere, local legend and gas-powered gladiator Sean Swope has passed a resolution to protect the good people of Lewis County from the looming threat of natural gas bans sweeping across the state of Washington.

Local | 2025/06/08

In a huge misunderstanding, a Chehalis man was arrested after exposing his wenis

CHEHALIS, WA — What began as an innocent park stroll at Stan Hedwall Park on Saturday afternoon quickly devolved into a full-blown police intervention when a 42-year-old local resident innocently lifted his sleeve to reveal his 'wenis.'

Politics | 2025/02/19

County Commissioners Aim For Guinness Book World Record!

LEWIS COUNTY, WA – The Lewis County, Board of County Commissioners, had a meeting this afternoon where the commissioners expressed their excitement in the possibility of breaking a Guinness Book World Record.

Local | 2025/03/16

Brummer shows up for photo op in pajama's, Swears he wasn't sleeping.

LEWIS COUNTY, WA - County Commissioners wake up from slumber to get their photo taken for the local news paper to honor employees that actually do their jobs. Brummer didn't get formal memo.

State | 2025/06/22

From -Chicken Out- to Checkmate -President Trump Turns T.A.C.O. Insult into Triumph

WASHINGTON, DC — In a recent press conference that could only be described as a fiesta of mockery, the Supreme Ayatollah of Rhetorical Sass, Ali Khameneil, dubbed the President Trump a T.A.C.O.

Local | 2025/06/28

Annoyed Wife —Makes Husband Sleep In Dog House For Not 'Knowing' She Wanted A Coffee Too

CHEHALIS, WA — Local woman Rose Buttree was at home tending to the garden when her husband Roger arrived home from town. When Roger stepped out of his truck, Rose noticed his hands were not empty. In fact, Roger had an —ice-cold— iced americano in one hand and a scone in the other.

Local | 2025/07/04

Proper Use of Toilet Paper: A How-To Guide to Wiping Your Ass — Because we care.

<p>LEWIS COUNTY, WA &mdash; If you're the type of person that hates to waste anything, especially toilet paper, we've created a nice infographic on the Proper Use of Toilet Paper: A How-To Guide to Wiping Your Ass &mdash; Because we care.</p>

Sports | 2025/10/11

Lewis County HS Football Weekend Roundup — Issue #6

LEWIS COUNTY, WA—The Ducks gave new meaning to the words "Poop Deck" after making the Vikings ship a prime target, Napavine's Von Pressentin served up a five TD' sample platter, and the Bearcats Coleman and Serl put on a receiving show

Food | 2025/03/09

With the arrival of Chick-Fil-A, Centralia expecting epic Sign Battles.. Or Else!

CENTRALIA, WA - As a condition to build in Centralia Station, located off I-5 at exit 81, Chick-fil-a must participate and initiate sign battles with local businesses.

National | 2025/04/04

Democrats Rally Behind Mexican Gang Member Dad, Claim - He's Just Misunderstood

MARYLAND - In a groundbreaking move of empathy-over-logic, Democrats urge the nation to reconsider the deportation of Kilmar Armando Abrego Garcia, a man they think might just need a hug.

Local | 2025/04/13

Karens Spread Like an Infection in Lewis County, Sparking Over-the-Top Reactions Everywhere

LEWIS COUNTY, WA - In recent weeks, Lewis County has seen an alarming increase in the number of 'Karens' — a term for individuals, often middle-aged women, who are quick to complain and demand special treatment, usually with an over-the-top sense of entitlement.

Local | 2025/05/09

Space Overlord Furious After Being Snubbed by Parade in Town Named After Him

VADER, WA - A certain space overlord, who asked to have is identity hidden, voiced his deep disappointment after not receiving an invitation to a small Earth town’s May Day parade—despite the town literally being named after him.

Local | 2025/06/26

Mayoral Candidate Demands Apology From Nonexistent City Of Winlock Department For a Facebook Page It Doesn't Own. Eeesh!

WINLOCK, WA — In a fantastic display of digital detective work, mayoral hopeful America Lunsford fired off a letter to The Chronicle demanding Winlock’s non-existent communications office apologize for a Facebook page the city doesn’t even run.

Local | 2025/07/13

Lewis County Commissioners Turn to Giant Catch Basin to Address Homeless Crisis

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — In an ingenious, yet absurd move, Commissioners Scott Brummer and Sean Swope have unveiled their boldest solution yet: rather than funnel scarce grant dollars into shelters and rental assistance, they’ve installed an enormous catch basin in the heart of town.

Local | 2025/02/26

Lewis County Public Works will try to increase employment interest by offering candy

LEWIS COUNTY, WA - In a surprising move, Lewis County Public Works will try increasing employment interest by offering candy

Food | 2025/06/08

Local restaurant makes food so good it'll literally blow your hair back

CHEHALIS, WA - Local restaurant, Northwest Salmon Smokehouse and Artisan Market, is using Smoked Salmon in their recipe's to such a degree, it's almost diabolical!

State | 2025/04/03

Bob Ferguson's Master Plan: 10 Ingenious Taxes to Fund the - Department of No Fun

OLYMPIA, WA - Washington State's Governor Bob Ferguson Unveils Brilliant Blueprint to Ensure No Citizen Escapes the Joyless Grip of the State.

Local | 2025/06/08

Sean Swope Channels William Wallace—Declares Lewis County “Non-Sanctuaried” with Tartan-Topped Proclamation

LEWIS COUNTY, WA - They say we’re a 'sanctuary county,' lumped in with big-city strongholds of open borders—and Lewis County’s finest nearly choked on their coffee when they saw the DHS list.

Local | 2025/06/27

Chehalis City Counsel to Penalize Store Owners with Fines for Repeat Theft Calls, Stating —Owners are at fault for criminals who keep stealing

CHEHALIS, WA – In a move that has locals scratching their heads, the Chehalis City Council (CCC) narrowly approved—by a 6–1 vote—a new ordinance that threatens convenience‐store owners with penalties if thieves keep returning for more.

Local | 2025/07/03

Senior Citizens Demand Legal Use of 'Big Go-Kart Thingy's' on Roads Be Deemed Illegal

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — A group of irate senior citizens marched to the Lewis County Jail today to announce a new piece of, what some are calling old-folks legislation.

National | 2025/08/02

'Genetics Is Offensive,' Says Liberal With Bad Genetics After Dunkin' Ad Shows Man With Good Ones

DUMBSHITVILLE, USA — It’s official: the word 'genetics' is now offensive. After a recent Dunkin’ Donuts ad casually mentioned the word in reference to athletic ability, online activists immediately flew into a full-blown meltdown

Local | 2025/04/08

Washington State: Pro-Choice for Everything But Your Marlboro Menthol

OLYMPIA, WA - In a cringe display of legislative gymnastics, Washington State lawmakers have decided that while your body is absolutely your choice, unless, of course, you’d like to fill it with anything flavored like cherry tobacco.

Local | 2025/04/12

Fowl Play at Lewis County Coffee: Live Chicken Spotted Riding Shotgun, Sparks Feathery Debate

CENTRALIA, WA - Lewis County Coffee customers got more than their usual caffeine fix this week when an observant patron noticed a live chicken comfortably nestled in a parked car outside the coffee shop

Local | 2025/08/29

Local Man’s Beer Gets Warm While Waiting In Line Behind Old-Timer Explaining The “Old Days” To Cashier

ONALASKA, WA — A local man’s six-pack of beer reportedly rose from “crisp and refreshing” to “lukewarm disappointment” Tuesday evening after he found himself trapped in line behind an elderly gentleman giving the cashier a 27-minute history lesson on how things used to be.

Sports | 2025/10/05

Lewis County HS Football Roundup — Issue #5

Wyatt Hoffman carved up the Aberdeen defense, Napavine doesn't like to win, PWV brings the fury of Zeus!

Local | 2025/03/09

Lewis County Sheriffs Office now imposing Tariffs on all criminals that want to commit crime.

LEWIS COUNTY, WA - As another way to combat the current budget crisis, Lewis County has proposed new legislation that will impose steep tariffs on criminals that want to do crime.

Local | 2025/07/27

Lewis County Dad Bods Declare Victory After Fitting Into Size 32 Stretchy Jeans

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — In a stunning breakthrough for dad bods everywhere, men across the nation have reported slipping effortlessly into jeans labeled four sizes smaller than their actual waistlines, thanks to a miracle of modern science: stretchy denim.

Local | 2025/10/09

Local Reddit User: 'Saving Girls Sports' Is Insanely Pathetic And Anti-Trans'—Also, Massive Dipshit

LEWIS COUNTY,WA—Local reddit user, Password_is_batman, heroically took to the internet to tell the local reddit community of Lewis County about the "Lets Go Washington" petitioners and how evil they are!