Mayoral Candidate Demands Apology From Nonexistent City Of Winlock Department For a Facebook Page It Doesn't Own. Eeesh!

Local | 2025/06/26

WINLOCK, WA — In a fantastic display of digital detective work, mayoral hopeful America Lunsford fired off a letter to The Chronicle demanding Winlock’s non-existent communications office apologize for a Facebook page the city doesn’t even run. She demanded everything from “mandatory sensitivity training” for phantom staffers to a promise that City Hall will single-handedly celebrate every heritage month under the sun—all to atone for a post that never came from an official source.

Meanwhile, Winlock citizens are left scratching their heads (and refilling their popcorn bowls) as it turns out the “official” page was the brainchild of Dennis—an absentee conspiracy buff who’s been out of town so long even his domain registrations are collecting dust. Dennis, according to local legend, also claims the Lewis County News meddled in the mayoral “election” of Brandon Svenson—who was appointed, not elected—because why let facts get in the way of a good hashtag?

Local stalwarts note that Winlock has always embraced diversity—Hispanic neighbors, Indigenous celebrations, you name it—without Lunsford’s edicts from on high. So before she teaches the town how to appreciate itself, perhaps she should learn two simple rules: 1) check the fine print, 2) don't believe everything you read, and 3) attend a council meeting (hint: some of her rivals do).

As residents await Lunsford’s apology for slinging shade at their beloved community, one thing’s clear: if you’re going to demand change, at least be sure there’s something real to change.

-Dean (This story is based on actual events)

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