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Lewis County Democrats dump Jesus, turn to Flying Spaghetti Monster

Local | 2025/09/13
Lewis County Democrats dump Jesus, turn to Flying Spaghetti Monster

LEWIS COUNTY — In a not very surprising move, the Lewis County Democrats have completely turned away from Jesus to worship the deity of Pastafarianism, The Flying Spaghetti Monster. When asked, why the sudden leap to pastafarian faith? "He gets us." Said one member.

"See, Jesus has got all these rules, and we don't like that. Especially the ones that says 'thou shalt not kill, steal, or commit adultery, yadda yadda', and when he says stuff like, 'he who does not work, shall not eat', I mean c'mon!" Said life long democrat Sally Snizzlsnatch. "We don't believe in those rules or such ways of life."

The latest census shows that 65% of the residents in Lewis County are Republican, making Lewis County the most conservative county in Western Washington. With schoolboard and city elections looming near this November, the Lewis County Democrats are desperate to get some wins, even if it means praying to a "carbo-loaded" diety.

Local churches have expressed concern, but Democrats brushed it off, saying they were just “following the sauce” wherever it leads.

Critics have pointed out that their doctrine seems suspiciously convenient. But members shrugged off the accusation: “Hey, we finally found a god who’s cool with our lifestyle choices and even gives us free Parmesan. Can your religion do that?”

At press time, the group announced their first official campaign fundraiser: a bottomless spaghetti dinner where attendees can tithe directly into a giant colander.

—Dean

DISCLAIMER: Not all the contents of this article are accurate. As a matter of fact, while not everything we post is fake news, most of it is.
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