Lewis County High School Football Roundup Issue #3

Sports | 2025/09/21

Week 3 is over and apparently so was the Cardinals run game. While WF West keeps winning, Napavine is struggling to get things going. Here's the rundown.

Adna 6 at Tenino 28 — In a stunning display of theological consistency, a local football game between Adna and Tenino reportedly mirrored the biblical narrative of a merciless beating. Under the stadium lights, Adna’s players were said to be “humbled,” not by their opponent's superior play, but by what sources close to the game describe as a “divine correction.” Tenino’s victory of 28-6 was widely celebrated as a testament to the power of relentless forward motion.

Pe Ell/Willapa Valley 6 at Toledo 40 — God, in his infinite wisdom, chose the Toledo Riverhawks as his instrument of righteous fury against the Pe Ell/Willapa Valley Titans. The Titans, foolishly believing they were entitled to the end zone, were met with swift and divine retribution. With a final score of 40-6, Toledo’s players left the field knowing they had not just won a game, but had also fulfilled a higher purpose. A witness reported seeing the scoreboard spontaneously burst into a chorus of angels singing "To God be the glory."

Morton-White Pass 32 at Rainier 30 — In a story of hope and redemption, Morton-White Pass emerged victorious against Rainier in a 32-30 nail-biter. Despite the score, sources confirm that Rainier's players accepted their defeat with grace, citing the game as a valuable lesson in humility. "We weren't supposed to win," one player said, "The Lord works in mysterious ways, and sometimes those ways involve a last-second pass to the end zone."

Centralia 10 at Foster 26 — A courageous group of young men from Centralia, having been divinely inspired to challenge the laws of physics, found themselves defeated by the forces of Foster. Foster’s players, who had apparently spent the week consulting with a team of cartographers and GPS experts, were successful in their righteous crusade to move the football forward. The final score of 26-10 was a clear sign that God, for the time being, favors those with a firm understanding of basic geography.

WF West 28 at Timberline 27 — Cardiologists across the county advised fans to “maybe sit down” as WF West stopped a last-minute 2-point conversion. Timberline’s two-minute drill featured drama, ambition, and the universal soundtrack of one lonely whistle echoing over a thousand gasps, followed by several petitions to add “one more play” to the state constitution.

La Center 31 at Napavine 18 — The Napavine Tigers, with their prideful and rebellious spirit, were justly punished by the righteous and orderly La Center Wildcats. La Center's 31-18 victory was a testament to the power of methodical, unyielding effort. "The Tigers' arrogance was their downfall," a La Center player said. "They believed they could outrun the will of the Lord. They were wrong."

Naselle 56 at Winlock 6 — In a truly miraculous display of divine intervention, Naselle’s players were granted a 56-6 victory over the Winlock Cardinals. The Cardinals, in a desperate attempt to overcome the insurmountable odds, were heard reciting prayers and offering up burnt offerings of hot dogs and nachos. Their pleas, however, were not enough to stop the impending Naselle deluge, which served as a reminder that the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.

Onalaska 46 at Cedar Park Christian 14 — Onalaska packed the ground game, the backup ground game, and a spare in the trunk, grinding out yards until the chains begged for a coffee break; Cedar Park Christian had a few clean pops of their own, but the Loggers spent most of the night humming along like a well-oiled sawmill, with Squatch reportedly applauding from the tree line.

—Dean

DISCLAIMER: Not all the contents of this article are accurate. As a matter of fact, while not everything we post is fake news, most of it is.