County Discovers Residents Still Have 0.3% Of Money Left
LEWIS COUNTY, WA — Local officials were reportedly stunned this week after a routine review of household finances revealed that Lewis County residents may still have as much as 0.3% of their money left.
The alarming discovery has renewed momentum behind a proposed public safety sales tax, which county leaders say is necessary to fund essential services currently being paid for by other taxes residents foolishly believed were already doing that.
“We were shocked,” said one county official. “After inflation, gas, groceries, property taxes, utilities, permits, fees, and the cost of simply existing in Washington state, we honestly assumed residents were completely tapped out. But then we found the 0.3%.”
According to sources, the remaining money was discovered hiding between couch cushions, in truck cupholders, and in the brief moment after payday before auto-payments begin their monthly feeding frenzy.
County leaders stressed that the proposal is only three-tenths of one percent, which they described as “barely noticeable” unless you buy food, clothes, tools, school supplies, household goods, car parts, Christmas presents, livestock feed, or anything else typically found inside a store.
“This is about safety,” another official explained. “And what could be safer than making sure citizens don’t walk around with dangerous levels of loose change?”
Supporters say the tax would help fund law enforcement, courts, and corrections. Critics, however, questioned why public safety always seems to be the one thing government remembers is important right before asking taxpayers for more money.
“I’m glad they found that 0.3%,” said one local resident. “I was about to waste it on something irresponsible, like eggs.”
At press time, county officials had reassured the public that the tax would only be temporary until it became permanent.
County Discovers Residents Still Have 0.3% Of Money Left
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