Group of Delusional Old People Escape Old-Folks Home, Found in Centralia, Confused

Local | 2025/10/19

CENTRALIA, WA — In a scene that baffled police and amused locals, a group of elderly residents escaped their assisted-living facility and were later found milling about George Washington Park during the “NO KINGs” rally.

Witnesses report the seniors seemed confused but spirited, chanting half-remembered slogans and waving bingo cards as makeshift protest signs. “One lady kept yelling that she wouldn’t bow to King George again,” said a bystander. “Another guy kept asking where his rotary phone was and why everyone hated the Beatles now.”

Authorities gently intervened after the escapees began arguing with rally-goers about how the United States has been King-free since 1776 and that Donald Trump was, in fact, democratically elected by the majority of the country. One of the men, still wearing hospital slippers, was overheard muttering that if this was 1776 again, someone should at least bring the musket.

The group was returned safely to their care home, where staff said everyone is fine and “revolution time” has been postponed until after lunch.

—Dean

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