'Genetics Is Offensive,' Says Liberal With Bad Genetics After Dunkin' Ad Shows Man With Good Ones
DUMBSHITVILLE, USA — It’s official: the word “genetics” is now offensive.
After a recent Dunkin’ Donuts ad casually mentioned the word in reference to athletic ability, online activists immediately flew into a full-blown meltdown, accusing the coffee chain of promoting “toxic science,” “biological determinism,” and, oddly enough, “fascism via iced coffee.”
“I was just scrolling TikTok when I saw the ad,” said one blue-haired influencer. “When they said the athlete was ‘built different thanks to genetics,’ I immediately burst into tears. I mean, how dare they suggest that anything about a person might be... inherited?”
The backlash was swift, with Twitter threads, Instagram reels, and at least three hour-long YouTube rants demanding an apology and a full boycott—unless Dunkin' releases a gender-neutral donut named “Equality Glaze.”
Meanwhile, conservatives and anyone who passed 8th grade biology looked on in stunned silence.
“This reaction kinda proves the point, doesn’t it?” said one local man. “If you’re offended by the word genetics, you might be the reason warning labels exist.”
Experts are now warning that continued attacks on science-based words could lead to future bans on terms like “chromosomes,” “reality,” and “common sense.”
—Dean
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