Napavine Fire Board Upholds Proud Tradition, Fires Yet Another Chief ‘Without Cause’
NAPAVINE, WA—The Napavine fire board has once again put the "fire" in "fired" and preserved its sacred tradition of rapid-release leadership by parting ways with a fire chief after three thrilling months. The move, officials said, was without cause, which locals now recognize as the district’s official motto, embroidered on commemorative throw pillows beneath a tasteful Live, Laugh, Terminate.
In a stunning display of valor, the Napavine fire commissioners reportedly made their big decision to fire the chief while he was safely out of town, ensuring the process remained completely free of confrontation or accountability. Sources say the board gathered in what witnesses described as “the bravest room in Lewis County,” whispering their votes just loud enough for the minutes to count but not loud enough for their consciences to hear. “We just thought it’d be easier this way,” said one commissioner, clutching a half-empty mug of decaf courage. “Why risk awkward eye contact when you can do the right thing quietly and hope no one notices?”
Recruiting materials are already drafted: Wanted: Fire Chief. Must excel at emergency response, team leadership, and keeping your office in banker’s boxes. Benefits include a swivel chair with quick-release, a nameplate written in dry-erase, and a farewell cake pre-ordered for logistical efficiency. Apply today, start Monday, be a trivia answer by Thursday!
—Dean
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