OLYMPIA, WA—The political world was rocked this week by the deeply personal, and frankly unsettling, emotional distress of Washington State Attorney General Bob "Turd" Ferguson following Jimmy Kimmel’s brief suspension from late-night television.

Onalaska continues to 'chop down' the competition, PWV steps down to 8-man football for a game, and Napavine suffer major blow and 3rd straight loss. Meanwhile, Wyatt Hoffman of WF West amasses 456 total yards against Shelton!

OLYMPIA, WA — In a bold new privacy initiative, Washington officials announced the “Healthy Youth Survey,” a cheerful, school-day questionnaire that totally isn’t about harvesting private family intel

LEWIS COUNTY — In a not very surprising move, the Lewis County Democrats have completely turned away from Jesus to worship the deity of Pastafarianism, The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — County officials convened an emergency “innovation summit” Friday to develop fresh strategies for overspending and mishandling taxpayer funds, sources confirmed.

MORTON, WA — Citizens of Morton erupted at a recent city council meeting after Police Chief Cole Cournyer bravely shut down every bar in town an hour and a half early during the Morton Loggers Jubilee, thereby protecting residents from the horrors of one more Coors Light.

WALUPT LAKE, WA — Hoping for birdsong and the gentle slap of water on the shore, a local family arrived at Walupt Lake this weekend and instead discovered a pop-up university offering courses in Portable Subwoofer Studies, Shouting Across Water 101, and Intermediate “Woooo!”.

ONALASKA, WA — A local man’s six-pack of beer reportedly rose from “crisp and refreshing” to “lukewarm disappointment” Tuesday evening after he found himself trapped in line behind an elderly gentleman giving the cashier a 27-minute history lesson on how things used to be.

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — County commissioners have approved yet another salary increase, while reminding public works employees making less than half that to 'be grateful for the exposure.'

CHEHALIS, WA — Promising to end congestion in places that aren’t Lewis County, WSDOT announced an exciting new plan to expand I-5 to a glorious 15 lanes north and south—while preserving Lewis County’s quaint, artisanal two-lane experience through Napavine, Chehalis, and Centralia.

DUMBSHITVILLE, USA — It’s official: the word 'genetics' is now offensive. After a recent Dunkin’ Donuts ad casually mentioned the word in reference to athletic ability, online activists immediately flew into a full-blown meltdown

LEWIS COUNTY, WA — In a stunning breakthrough for dad bods everywhere, men across the nation have reported slipping effortlessly into jeans labeled four sizes smaller than their actual waistlines, thanks to a miracle of modern science: stretchy denim.